A Letter From the Bush

dere frend

owe things slopin. i ope things is bet-
ter down there with you than they is
up ere with me. ive fell out with bill
smith an ive fell out with me wife an
tho i was in the rite both times no one
wont speak to me an a man mite as
well be a dawg. it cums pretty tuff
when a man aint understood as i red
in a pome one time.

me row with bill smith begun about
this ere suger queeschtin wots been in
the papers an i sez to bill smith wot
sort of suger is all the tork about is
it the suger they puts in tee or the
suger you keeps in yer poket an bill
smith bein a bit narked about a cow
i sold im wot aint milkin well e sez
to me well you no ow to keep the suger
in your poket orl rite i never seen much
of it cum out.

now seim i shouted bill smith a drink
less than a year ago an e aint sprung
since i reckin that was a bit over the
ods but i never sed nothin except call
im a silly ole cow wot kep orl is muney
in a tin fer fear the mice mite nibble
it. we was avin a feed of chopp at
bill smiths place at the time an when
e finished e come an chuckled down
is bones in front uv me. wots that
for i sez an e sez i always throw a
bone to a dawg so i it im on the konk
an went ome. so thats that.

me row with the wife appened as
soon as i got in the ouse. she was
readin in the paper about the buty
competishun an seen ow the winner
was gettin orl sorts of offers to go on
the stage an make a lot of muney.
mi wife sez if i adent stopped er goin
in she mite be down in town now
darncin or singin tho ole rustik brige
to lowd aplaws an makin thousands of
pounds an i sez, wot, with a face like
that. An she sez you was a lot taken
with it wunce an i sez yes taken in
an she sez i wisht i cud die an i sez
you wont never die youll jist dri up
an blow away an then she sez a ole
lot uv things till a long way past bed
time

so now no one wont speek to me an
i got the pip an me bay mare as got
the glanders an the spuds as got the
blite an arf the kids as got the mumps

hoppin you are the sam

Yours truly

Ben Bowyang