Crime and Punishment

A prisoner at Pentridge had two days added to his sentence for being shaved without authority.

"Well, strike a light!" said Burglar Bill.
"If this thing ain't the limit.
When you gets there
They cuts yer 'air
An' good an' 'ard they trim it.
But if you get removin' beards
Wivout you gets permission,
The latest craze
Is 'two more days.'
Ain't that a crook persition?

A bloke can't be a tidy bloke
Wivout they goes an' lets 'im.
Soon it will be
The law that 'e
Can't corf, wivout they gets 'im.
I dunno wot their aimin' at
To make a crime o' shavin',
To 'ave a wash
Will soon, by gosh!
Be reckoned misbehavin'.

I dunno wot it's comin' to
Wiv these reformin' friskers.
It ain't no joke
To crime a bloke
Fer pinchin' 'is own whiskers!
An' soon the cove 'oo cuts 'is nails
Wivout the 'eds consentin'
Will lumbered be
Fer larceny
An' spend a week repentin'.

The man 'oo picks a bit of fluff
From orf 'is Sundee trousers
Is likely to get
A month's quad pet,
From these reformin' wowsers
An' im''ho dares to clean 'is teeth
Wivout a speshul permit
Is goin to spend
 .... .... lifes and
is days as a flamin hermit

But greatest criminal of all
(If I knows the persition)
Will be the crook
'Oo's gone an' took
A barf wivout permission!
They'll flog 'im in the public street;
They'll bash 'im an' they'll bang 'im.
Then, 'avin' made
'Im dead afraid,
Most probably they'll 'ang 'im.