Making the Departments Pay

The Victorian Railway Commissioners have decided that, unless certain
municipal councils pay rent for railway goods sheds, the sheds will be removed,
and local produce left to the mercy of the weather. This money-making
scheme is worthy of a Turkish Pasha, or an American ward boss, and other
Government departments may awake to its possibilities. For instance, we
may yet hear this—

The Chief Commissioner of Police has decided that in future all
constables on duty shall carry small lines similar to those of street
mendicants. Any citizen wishing to speak to a constable must first put
a penny in the slot. The fee for speaking to sergeants will be half-a-
crown and Inspectors ten shillings.  And the Chief cannot be seen for
under five pounds. A table has been prepared setting outthe fee to be 
charged for apprehending various criminals. Any citizen desiring the 
arrest of a pickpocket must first lodge a fee of a 3/7 at Russell Street
after first filling in forms Q. 27 and ?????. For arresting
house-breakers 7/6 will be charged: for garoters 13/3, for embezzlers
16/4. The sum required for teh arrest of murderers ranges from 10 pound
 to 200 poundsacording to atrocity of the crime and the character of the 
man wanted. By this scheme it is hoped that the Police Department will
soon pay its own way.

The Tramways Borad will in future charge an entrance fee to all shelter
sheds. In fine weather the charge will be one penny, in wet weather 3d.
The exit fee on all occaisions will be at a flat rate of 7d.

The Postal Department has made a new regulation providing that, in
addition to the usual postage rate, all letters delivered by postmen
must be paid for on delivery. Charges ranging from 3d. to 2/7. If the
householder refuses to pay, or is absent from home, the postman is to
burn the letter on the doorstep and the addressee will be fined. Fees
for telephones will remain unaltered, but any subscriber who succeeds
in getting his number on the first attempt will be required to put 5d
in the kitty.

A suggestion has been made with the object of making Parliament much
dearer, that all persons attending the Strangers and Speakers' Galleries
shall pay an admission fee of 1d- and 2d- respectively. (Plus amusement tax)
This proposal has been ruled out, however, on the ground that members might 
feel lonely.

An important question is before the Municipal Association wherein it is
proposed that the Railway Department shall be required to pay a fee for
all goods, parcels, passengers, commissioners and other merchandise carried
to and from railway stations over municiple roads. In the event of the 
Department refusing to pay, the roads will be dynamited, thus shutting off 
all communication and isolating the Station.Any customer of the railways 
trespassing on municiple property will be arrested and beheaded. 
Decentralisation for ever!