Rejected Addresses

HELP US TO HELP YOU

(Being somewhat disinclined for work today, we raided the editor's waste- paper basket, with this result):

TO THE EDITOR:

Sir, When entering a non-smoking
compartment on the railways yesterday
I discovered a match on the floor. Evi-
dently some person had been illegally
using this compartment by smoking a
naughty pipe or a nerve-destroying cigar-
ette. I asked a porter to remove the
match, and he told me to "get me head
real." Cannot Mr Clapp maintain dis-
cipline in the service.—Yours, etc.,
    "HELP US TO HELP YOU."

Sir,—In regard to this new footpath
regulation, "Keep to the Left," I have
a useful suggestion to make. Why keep
either to the right or the left? My
idea is that pedestrians should be in-
structed to "Keep to the Middle." This
would avoid much silly confusion.—
Yours, etc.,        KEW.

Sir,—I take in wash an' most
people rap it up "in newspapers," but
they never uses the erald wich is the
only paper I care to reed. Cudent yu
start a skeem to persuede people to
rap their washin in good noos.—Yours,
etc.,        WASHERLADY.

Sir,—I wish to direct public attention
to the constant yapping of a miserable
little cur owned by my next door
neighbor. I fail to get my proper rest
at night, and I have spoken to the man,
but he laughs at me, so I have taken
this course in desperation. It is now
my determination to pillory this person
in the public press. His name is
(Sibbed).—Yours, etc.,
        ANTI-DOGS.