The Game that Pays

In Melbourne the burglary an' shop-breaking industry has been looking up considerably of late, large hauls, but no arrests have been made.

Now, me an' Gentleman Joe 'as been
A-torkin' about the game.
    We 'ad cracked a crib
    And grabbed, 'ad-lib,
The best of the things that came.
We took our pick o' the warehouse's
    goods,
W'ich we carted away with ease,
    An' a couple o' thou
We're banking now,
An' we're restin', if you please.

Now, Gentleman Joe 'e sez to me,
    "When I was a little kid
    Me father 'e
    'Ad 'opes of me,
An' 'e thought real 'ard, 'e did.
Me mother was all for a lawyer or
    doc,
Or a silly profesh like that.
But me dad would say,
    'Them games don't pay,'
An' 'e put 'is foot down flat.

"For years they worried an' thrashed
    it out.
While I grew up keen an' bright;
    Till one day dad
    'E sez, 'By Gad!
I've 'it on the game all right.
Lawyering, doctoring' might be good;
That man is me.
    'E might be,
But the cash takes long to come.
    I know the trade
    Where the beans are made.
We'll make him a burglar, mum!'"

"If ever a man's 'ad cause to thank
    'Is dad for a start in life
That man is me
'ere I might be
In the cities stress an' strife
A strugglin' on to earn a crust
As a lawyer, sharp an' keen,
But I makes me dough
In an hour or so,
An' a court I've never seen.

"Now, times there was when I got cold
    feet;
Fer the game 'as risks, yeh see.
They tork of cops
An' wot John 'Ops.
But THEY ain't troubled me.
I pass 'em in the street at times,
An' they look reel blokes of peace.
Crook yarns, I 'old,
Are them that's told
About our kind perlice."

Now me an' Joe we 'as conferred,
    An' 'ere's our full report:
    The Cops is saints,
    An' no complaints
Against 'em or the court
'ave we to make. But we got a
    scheme
Fer the good o' the growin' race.
If the 'cads don't state,
Our scheme is great—
It's a blithering disgrace!

Now, me an' Gentleman Joe we sez
That the lawyers an' the docs.
They gets degrees,
An' must we seen
In poor "arf-witted crocks.
If this 'ere University
Is keen on E. P. A.,
Then let it make
(For progress' sake)
A Chair for Burglary.