"Two Gentlemen of Footscray"

(Once of Verona, in Another Life) A remarkable campaign against swearing, instituted in Verona, is claimed to have reduced bad language in that city by 75 per cent.

First Gentleman:
Corpo di Bacco, Bill I mean, dear me!
The times is surely changin’. Did yeh see
Wot’s ’appened up in ole Verona now?
They’re down on swearin’. Now ain’t that a cow?
Remember, in our former life, ’ow we
Hit up the town with language flowin’ free?

Second Gentleman:
Do I remember? ’Struth — that is to say,
Christofo Colombo! Them times was gay!
Reel bonzer times they was, an’, strike me pink!
Verona! Wot would poor ole Shakespeare think?
The bloke ’oo made ’em swagger round the street
Servin’ out lash an’ language both dead neat.

First Gentleman:
Ah, Maladetta! — I mean, spare me days!
Poor ole Verona’s sunk to genteel ways.
Remember when Mercutio went reel sore,
An’ outed Tybalt? Blimey! ’Ow they swore!
Ole Capulet ’imself could use a curse,
An’ some blokes said that Montague was worse.

Second Gentleman:
Sapristi! — I mean, Blimey! Lad, yer right;
Them was the days when we could cuss an’ fight.
Even that young sonk, Romeo, could swear,
When ’e got set ’e’d fairly raise yer ’air.
Yeh rekerleck ’ow ’e let loose that day,
’E ’ad to leave ’is tart an’ duck away;

First Gentleman:
Swear! Dio mio! — that is, strike a light!
’E turned the air fair purple on that night.
Sich lovely language never can I catch
In these days, even at a football match.
Wot must ole Shakespeare think, there in ’is grave —
Poor ole Verona made a wowsers’ slave!

Second Gentleman:
Ah, wot a bloomin’ fallin’ off is there —
In ole Verona, where a bloke can’t swear!

First Gentleman:
No matter, mate in that ole narrer street,
A cuss by any other name will sound as sweet.

Second Gentleman:
But these ’ere changes makes me feel reel queer.

First Gentleman:
Corpo di bloomin’ Bacco! ’Ave a beer!