A Conversation in the Clouds

(After Maeterlinck)

“The best immigrant is the Australian baby, but the mortality among infants, de- spite the millions of pounds which literally had been poured out since the Maternity Allowance Act came into operation, has not been affected.”—The Prime Minister (Mr Hughes).

Scene: Somewhere above the clouds,
where the storks fly to collect “best”
immigrants.

Characters: The spirits of two un-
born babies; the Presiding Genius.

First Baby Spirit: Well, I think it’s
nearly up to me, old man. I’ll be leav-
ing you shortly.

Second Baby Spirit: What? So soon?
Where are you going, old bean?

First Spirit: The stork mentioned
something about Australia. It seems
they give five quid there as soon
as you arrive. The proposition looks
good to me. Five quid’s five quid, old
man. Who gets it if we don’t?

Second Spirit: Some of the papers
say that the mothers spend it on ban-
gles.

First Spirit: Bangles? What are
they?

Second Spirit: Things they wear on
their wrists.

First Spirit: What, handcuffs?

Second Spirit: Something similar
Gold they call it, I think; but it im-
plies the same badge of servitude.

First Spirit: To us?

Second Spirit: To us! Have a heart!
To the world we are going to live in.
They prefer the bangle to our welfare.

Presiding Spirit: All aboard! The
stork is just starting! How many of
you kids are booked for today?

Second Spirit: That’s your call, old
thing. Do you think you’ll give Aus-
tralia a spin?

First Spirit: It’s pretty tough—mak-
ing us kids decide our destination. If
I thought there was any chance of be-
coming a bookmaker or a politician

Second Spirit: No hope, old egg. The
best you can hope for is to become a
punter or a labor boss.

First Spirit: A punter! A labor boss!
Oh, I say, isn’t there some other place?

Presiding Spirit: All aboard. What’s
your destination, kiddie?

First Spirit: Oh, Blithering Blazes!