Smoke-O

Newspaper correspondents continue to complain about lack of accommodation for smokers in railway carriages, and to object to ladies riding in smoking compartments.

Scene: A Suburban Railway Station.
Characters: Two Lady Passengers, a Spiky Citizen, a Station-Master.

The two ladies are comfortably seated in a smoking compartment,
talking of dress, or jazz, or Other Cats, or some such feminine topic.
Enter the Spiky Citizen, who pauses in the doorway and glares.

Citizen: Are you ladies aware that this is a smoking compartment?
First Lady (sweetly): Quite, thank you.
Second Lady: There's plenty of room.
Citizen: It's not a matter of room, but of principle. I would not be allowed
to ride in a ladies' compartment. I must ask you to change carriages.
First Lady: Are you a railway official?
Citizen: Certainly not. I am a plain citizen—a mere male traveller;
but I insist on my rights. I wish to smoke. Will you kindly change carriages?
First Lady: Certainly not.
Second Lady: The idea!
Citizen: Then I shall complain to the station-master and have you removed.
First Lady: Well! Of all the impertinence!
Second Lady: Let him complain, dear.

The Spiky Citizen hastens down the platform in frantic search for the station-master.
He is rudely snubbed by various porters and ticket clerks; but eventually discovers
the official he seeks. Growing angrier every minute, the Spiky Citizen returns with
the station-master to the smoking compartment, thirsting for revenge.

Citizen: This is the carriage.
Official: Well? What's your trouble?

The Spiky Citizen looks within and is greeted with a cloud of smoke.

First Lady (removing her cigarette): This man has been most insulting.
Second Lady (removing her cigarette): A perfect brute! He should be put in the dog-box!

The whistle blows, and the Spiky Citizen endeavours to enter the compartment.

Official (restraining him): Here! You can't get in there! I want a word with you.

The train starts.

Both Ladies (blowing clouds of smoke): Good-bai!