The Compleat Bricklayer

The veteran politician divides a Parlia- ment in this manner. The first session is spent in talking for the benefit of "Hansard"; the next is for work; and the third for in- creasing his political stature in the eyes of the country.

I'm an oldish bloke as was layin' bricks
    In the days when your dad was young.
An' I'm used to the trade an' all its tricks—
    Which is mainly tricks o' the tongue;
Fer the layin' o' bricks ain't art the game.
    Without finessin' the job gets tame.

When I gits a bit of a 'ouse to build
    Do I git right down to toil?
Not on your life! Fer me trade is skilled,
    An' I'd never think to spoil
A real good job; so I spins it out;
    An' I 'appens to 'ave a gift for spout.

For the first few weeks I tells 'em 'ow
    Reel 'ouses should be built,
An' every day I grabs me pay
    (Fer I got to 'ave the gilt)
An' I lets me voice range wide an' free;
    But never a brick I lay. Not me!

I waves me trowel while I rant an' 'owl
    Of the ancient architects.
Of the Gothic style I talks a while,
    With a long aside on sects,
An' then I 'as a few weeks' spell;
    But me pay comes in; an' all is well.

An' then for a day, or maybe more,
    I lays a brick or two;
But I don't work 'ard, fer me 'ands get sore.
    But I lays 'em good an' true.

Then I knocks off to tell the boss,
    "Ow, if I went, it would be 'is loss.
I takes great pains while I explains
    Wot a boshter bloke I am,
An' sometimes 'e seems pleased with me,
    But sometimes 'e sez, 'Dam!
You've laid but three brick all this week!'"
But I answers, "Ave you 'eard me speak?"

    'E growls a bit, an' 'e scowls a bit;
But I torks an' torks to 'im;
An' by an' bye I see 'is eye
    Grow drowsy like, an' dim.
Then I knows I've got 'im safe an' good.
    That's 'ow I earns me livelihood.