Publication: Melbourne Herald
Date: 27 September 1926
september 27 to the editor of the herald dere sir we been to the stajum an got out a eyeful ive seen modrin rastlin an awl i gotter say is that men oo wud do that for a livin wud go an get mixed up with the wurks of a rock crushin macheen fer a little gentil exercise. i never thot that 2 uman beans cud tie theirselfs together in nots an git theirselves so tangled up an cum out of it agen still preservin ther own identy an ech avin is own laigs an arms seams to me that to be a mod- rin rastler a man wants to be maid of inja rubber cask-in wipcord green ide an fencin wire with a concreet ed an wooden face an flexabel steel toes e wants to ave no feelins no nervs no pity an the stamine of a elifint an if e as awl these ad orter go an git a job as a clark if e aint got the art of a teem of wurkin bullicks an a big in- shurince policy the things them two men sam clapam and ted thy done to wun another satidy nite i cudent tell you if i ad the pen of shakspeer an the flooncy of bil smith wen is bullicks git stuck them 2 men dun awl they cud to tare wun another lim frum lim to scrue the uther fellers ed off to pull is tose out be the roots to squeez is ribs in to ty im around is own neck an ram im down is own throte otherwise they behaved like perfick gentilmen an tho i ave a gentil an cum- pashnit nacher an a tender art i injoyed evry minit of it an i aint got over it yet * * * * wen bil smith an me got to the stajum i thot for a minit that the day of jugement ad cum an the nashins of the erth was gathered together at leest wun arf of em but I aint goin to say wich we rekined awl the peepil in melbun must be there but we forgot awl about the peepil as soon as the rastlin started an i got to admit i got a bit excited an dun a bit of yellin but bil fare lorst is ed wen sumwun behind us giv a cheer for thy bil stood up an slung a chal- lenge to thurty thousan peepil to cum an try a fall with im tork abowt ajacks defyin the thunder bil sed e wull taik on any three of em at wunce wot sez clapam aint the best man an e as muney to pruve it is eyes was glarin an is wis- kers brislin an i ad to cach old of em an pull im down i never see ole bil go so crook e adent ad nuthink eether * * * * owever i wished i cud discribe the rastlin fur you round be round but i was to excited an its all mixed up in me mind arms laigs eds feet awl tangled up like a bundil of snaiks thats the picher i got of course me an bil was solud fur sam clapam being british ourselves an wen thy got a holt on sam an starts trine to rench im apart it was almost like e was doin it to me an i found meself strainin an pushin to get out of it wunce wen thy got old of sams laig an tride to brake it off short my own laig begun to pane sumpthink orful an the arder thy squoze the wurse my laig got an i thinks that this ere simpathetic feelin is sumpthink wunnerful bine by the pane in my laig got neer like i cudent stand it so i puts me ed down to rub it an cums up agen bils airey paw an es got a and ful of my laig an is squeezin it to a pulp an wen i trys to taik is and away e goes crook agen an thinks i want to rastle im bil smith adent awt to go to these raslin machees e as to mutch of wot they calls temper- mint i got a greeny blu pach on me laig now big as a sup plat * * * * anyway when 10 rounds ad gon an them 2 men ad rastled an straned an squosen an tumbled like a whole meenagery of wile cats snaiks dawgs roosters an evry other fiting animile on erth the re free sez thay aint dun enuff becos neether aint got a fall an orders 3 more rounds well it seams to me an bil that sam clapam aint lookin to good an we begin to git reel worrid an wen in the nex round thy gits sam down an is shol- ders gits neer an neerer the mat i cud feel me art goin down an down an i looks at bil an can see e is suffrin to e looked like sumwun ad tole im is favrit bullick ad the pleuro an i seen sumpthink wet roll down is beerd an drop off the end it mite ave been presprashun but it looked orful like a teer annyway sam got out of that but things dont look to good an at the beginnin of round 12 i ad giv up awl ope sam was borin is ed into thys chest weary like as if e ad lost intrest in the gentil frolick an i was lookin at bil thinkin wot a study is face was wen suddin i see evry single air uv is wis- kers stand out strait like a peace of wire an is mouth opens like a yornin cavrin an is yell neerly bust me err drum i looks quick at the ring an wot i see is this thy in the air gittin tossed abowt like a sheef of ay nex minit sam as im down an its awl over. wot appened was that clapam ad dun wot i ad been tellin im to do ever since it started. e jist slung the uther bloke down an leened on im. it was as simpil as fallin off a aystack an i dunno wy e dident lisen to me at the beginnin Dont arst me wot appened af- ter that i dunno if you aint ever erd thurty thousand peepil yell at wunce an go mad you aint seen life. bil shuk ands with duzens of perfick strangers includin 2 ladies oo i ope ther ands is bet- ter by now we awl sung rool britanier an danced an lep an waved an sam cride an i lost me at i dunno ow we got out becos bil smith was trine to show me olds an e kep on trine to show me awl the way to our otel. wen we got up into our room i starts trine to show im an e sez no clapam dun it like this, but i sez wrong e dun it like that an nex minit we was all tangiled up an we was rollin on the floor an i ad me mouth full of bills wiskers an e ad a triple rist lock on me an i ad im in a dubble revers sizzers with a toe old on is nose an i erd a cupler lowd crashes an bil sez wud you ye cow an i sez yes i wud an we rolls under the bed an out agen on the landlady cums in with sum of the borders an sez wots this ile bring the pleece so wen they undid us the lan- lady sez that will be 12 shillings for the water jug an 2 pouns for the lookin glass an 7 an 6 for the wash basen and would we pleeze pay now so me an bil carmed down an looked sorter foolish * * * * but rastlin is a grate game an ime goin to lern bil sum holts wen we get ome but this mornin i ant feelin quite up to the nocker hoppin you are the saim yures truly BEN BOWYANG p s you awt to see bil