Publication: Melbourne Herald
Date: 06 November 1926
otel expensive Melbun, November 5th. to the editer of the herald deer sir, — i bin avin a bit of a off day today jist lookin round an in- joyin the feelin of avin neerly 50 quid of bookmakers munney in me pocket bil smith sez i ad awt to bank it and be safe but i rekin i might jist as well not ave ut at all as ave it in a bank i like to keep that munney where i can ave a feel of it now an agen an every time i tuch it its jist like winnin it awl over agen so i jist been lookin round an there aint no dout that a reel swank otel like this is the rite place to see life an there aint no dout that the more you see of life the more it maiks a man think you wud ardly beleev it but there is a man stoppin at this place oo won 5 underd pound at the racis yesterdee an to ear im goin on yude think e ad just berried is favrit dawg an was ixpectin a visit frum is muther in lor e was groustin an grumlin awl over the place wot was the matter with im was that a orse that wud ave wun im 10 thousand was jist beet on the post so e was cursin is luck up ill an down dail an the 5 underd e ad wun dident meen no more to im than a perl neklis to a pig yude think to ear im tork that fate ad been reel crool to im an ere was me oo ad onley wun 42 quid an feelin i was king of the erth an the appiest man in melbun * * * * it jist goes to sho you wot gives wun man reel appi- ness dont meen nuthin to another an thats where awl them cominists an bolshvicks gits it in the neck i tell you it maid me think an the more i thot the more i see where most of us was barkin up the rong tree i remembered the time when i was a bit of a boy an thripence wud ave maid me as appy as larry it awl depends on wot a man needs an wot e wants an the moril is dont need to mutch an you will get more than you want an everythink in the gardin will be luvley i got thinkin like that so deep that i rekins ide jist try a bit of a ixperiment so i goes out into the street until i finds a small bit of a boy with dirty face an ragid close wot looks orful unhappy an down on is luck an e is lookin into a pi ship winder so i arsts im wud e like a pi an e sez e wud an i arsts im wud e like sum ice creem an choklit an e sez too tru so i arsts im wud e like to go to the pitchers an then e thinks ime kiddin im an e sez ave a art mista but i give im five bob to go an ave a good time on an if you ad seen that boys face you wud no wot blokes must look like wot gits into even sudden an un- expextid an no mater ow i spen the rest of me winnins ile never git me munneys wurth like i got out of that 5 bob so there you are five underd quid an gloom misry an a sore ed fifty quid an a nice warm feelin in me pickit an me art five bob an the ole wurld changed into pardyse maiks you think dont it * * * * then yesterdee wich was okes day i was watchin them swank ladys wot is stoppin at this otel. they was awl going to the racis an thay was watchin the wether an wunderin if they wud ware ther pritty crape de chin dresses or ther furs. an when the storm cum up the looks of opeless misry on awl them pretty faces wud maik a cat laff. ther arts was as evy as led an the ole wurld dident ave no joy in it for them rich dames becos they cudent go to the okes in ther pritty close. an i got to thinkin about my missus up ome wot about that time wud be sloppin abowt the cow yard in er ole print dress an a bag apron. an awl she wud need to maik er reel content wud be for the fouls to lay 5 or 6 more aigs. an wen i taik er ome the bit of neck fur she as been wantin awl er life an the noo at ime goin to by out of my winnins she is goin to be queen o gunns gully an she is goin to ave a lot more reel appiness than any swank dame ever got out of anny okes. so there you are agen i ope you will excuse me ritin down me privit thots so familier like this but as i say there ant mutch doin today an i been doin a lot of speshul thinkin me an bil is goin to the racis tomorrer an ome sundee win or lose i aint doin anny evy bettin meself but i opes bil wins a pot becos when e aint pickin em pritty frequent e is a orful ard man to live with hoppin you are the saim yures truly BEN BOWYANG