Ben Finds Excuses: Why Batting is Slow

Publication: Melbourne Herald
Date: 12 March 1929

melbin
march 12

deer sir
i no wots the matter with me
now
i aint got the test match tem-
perment
all thru the furst cupler days i
been bored to teers with the
slow skorin of the englishmen i
been tellin meself that as soon
as the ossies got in we was goin
to see fire wurks
i been tellin meself that these
ere efeet inglish plairs altho
thay is very nice fellers aint
got the dash an viger an the
staminer of our fellers
so i rote to bil smith up at
gunns gully and i sez jist you
wate i sez jist you wate till our
men gits to the wikits an then
yule see sum reel crickit like you
gits at gunns gully sumpthink
with a bit of ackshin in it you
wate
wel the ossies is at the wikit
all rite but i dunno
i wated all day yestidy
i ad a good seet an i wated an
i went on watin
but i never seen nuthink that
gimme the urge to send up a
grate shout to the igh valts of
even
i never seen nuthink that
maid me want to tork abuv a
wisper
wich was praps jist as wel be-
cos if i ad sed it abov a wisper
the pleece mite ave erd me

but mind you i aint sayin
nuthink agen the ossies
i aint no carpin critick mind
you thay done wot they done be-
cos it ad to be done
i agree with all the uther ex-
perks that while the inglishmen
was orful dull an tame an deadly
monotonus wen thay was skorin
so slow the ossies was reely
playin brillyunt crickit wen
thay done sackly the saim thing
you see it was the saim thing
onley it was diffrunt
it was altogether diffrunt
an it was diffrunt becos in a
manner of speekin—
i mean if you look at it the
rite way
well wots the good of torkin
you ask anny of the uther ex-
perks an thay will tell you
ask anny of the crowd wot
was there an thay will tell you
the ossies batted slow becos
thay ad to bat slow agen sich
bowlin an it aint a bit of use ar-
guin becos i no
an anny man wot sez diffrunt
can cum an ave it out with me
i dunno wot ime gittin all ot-
ted up abowt but wen i ear a
man wot dont no nuthink about
the gaim sayin that the ossies is
a lot slower than the inglishmen
wy i—
o well i dunno ave it yer oan
way
ave it anny way you like
annyways ime goin down agen
today to do a bit more watin
but i find watin orful ard be-

cos as i say i aint got the reel
test match temperment
a test match temperment is
the saim temperment wot ole
jim airey as got
ten yeer ago e tuk out a in-
shurince policy agen being
struk by litening an e is still livin
in opes
torkin of opes wy dont sum
wun tell yung jackson to put
spikes in is boots

fancy losin a match for the
sake of a spike its enuf to make
the ole crowd spikey

hoppin you are the saim,

yures truly
Ben Bowyang
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