Bowyang's Test: He Begins His Duties

He Begins His Duties

melbin crikit groun
7 am fridy

deer sir
i arriv in melbin lars nite as
per contrack in good elth an
spirits an fare strainin at the
leesch to git me jurnalistic
jootys of reportin this test
match in my own faithful an
original stile
as akordin to our agreement i
am doin this job on time wurk
an not peace work or per artikle
i was down at the criket groun
brite an erly this mornin
but you are orful late risers
ere in melbin
you mitent bleeve it but al-
tho the sun was well up there
wasent a sole about
owever i am countin it in as
time on jooty as it wernt my falt
ther was nuthink doin
so i went back to the pub an
had a bit of brekfus then i cum
back an as there was still no
wun abowt i clum over the fence
so as to be sure of a seet

8.20 a.m.
you mitent bleeve it but been
chuked out an ime ritin his gen.

9.5 a.m. fridy
i ave clum over the fence agen
an tore wun (1) pare of pants for
wich i will charge on my acount
this jurnalistic life as its ups
and downs asnt it

the gaits is now open and to
(2) men as cum in but thay
aint startid playin yet

11.20 a.m.
i been avin a bit of a nap avin
slep poorly lars nite
there is a orful lot of peepil
ere but you is terribul slow star-
tin yure matches in melbin

11.45 a.m.
england as won the toss
sumow i dont think this is
goin to be mutch of a match

12 miday
thay is cumin out

12.30 p.m.
ime orful sorry but i bin too
excited to rite anything for the
last arf (½) our
the skore now is jardeen 12
obbs 5 extrees 3 totill 10
ime orful excited
gosh that wun neerly got im

why dont they chuk in
quicker
jardeens cot out
no e aint
wot sort of umpirin do thay
cal that
the man sittin nex me will git
wot es lookin for if he dont stop
chipin the orstralians
orray obbs is stumped
no e aint
the umpirins rotten
the skores is
neerly cot neerly cot ows that
umpire
the skore is

this is the slowest battin i
ever see

12.50 p.m.
if its all the saim to you mis-
ter editer ile leeve the rest of
my ritin til i git back to the pub
tonite an git a bit of peese
ime that excited now i dunno
wether ime on me ed or me eels
hoppin you are the saim
yures truly
Ben Bowyang

ps 1.40 p.m. jardeen is run out
ps no 2.15 p.m. the umpire sez e
aint this is orful