The Uplifters

Said the urger to the bookie,
   "These is most unmoral days,
And them raffles leads the public
   Into the dreadful gamblin' ways."
Said the bookie to the urger,
"We 'ad oughter form a merger
For to save these sufferin' sinners
   From this most unsocial craze."

"It's disgustin'," said the bookie,
   "An' it's ruinin' the State.
They are makin' it a welter
   At them carnivals of late.
Why I've heard that blokes are willin'
For to bust a whole good shillin'
Takin' chances in a raffle
   For a box of chocolate."

"Listen, brother," said the urger,
   Choking back a bitter sob,
"There's a friend of mine, a burglar,
   Done a recent little job;
But when the safe he busted,
All the money that he trusted
For to find - was done on raffles,
   An' 'e never got abob!"

Said the bookie to the urger,
   "Fancy missin' such a wad!
Why, it's simply downright robbery!
   Their backs should feel the rod!"
Said the urger to the bookie,
"Look; if I dealt with the crookie
Wot incouraged this 'ere evil
   I would bring 'im into quod!"