An Appeal to End Appeals

Sir, -- I try to do my duty as a patriotic man
   With sane views about the science of gastronomy;
And I'd ask the promulgators of each food consuming plan
   To consider man's interior economy.
I shall not go into details.  But I merely wish to say
   My observance hitherto has been meticulous
Of the many noble slogans: but I fear the scheme today
   Has at last begun to merge with the ridiculous.

Very nobly I responded to the urge to "Eat More Fruit";
   I bought it and consumed it with avidity.
I was keen to serve my country; and the diet seemd to suit
   (If we waive a tendency to slight acidity)
Then the ringing slogan sounded thro' the contry: "Eat More Wheat!"
   I assimilated faithfully that cereal
Then we were asked to eat more eggs, to eat more oats, more meat;
   While tissue waxed -- both moral and material.

And now, sir, to my horror, "Eat more butter" is the plan.
   But I ask you: Can I hope to rise superior?
There are symptoms.  And I fear the patriotic outer man
   Is at issue, so to speak, with the interior,
On, I long to do my gastronomic duty; yet I shrink
   I shudder -- tho' I swear I am no sceptic --
But butter!  Slabs of butter!  There are limits, don't you think?
      Sir, I remain,
         Yours faithfully,
            "DYSPEPTIC."