Pipe Dream Passes

This is a tale, and a truthful tale,
   Of the wily ways of the white police;
The tale of a trap, and sad mishap,
   And a trick for betraying the bland Chinese -
Of Ah Quong and Oo Tong,
   Of an opium joint, fair out of luck;
Of Ho Lung and Hi Chung
   And Ah Mee and Constable Chuck.

Mysterious locks and a lacquer box,
   Devious passages, traps galore -
Said Constable Chuck to Hee Duck:
   Teach me that sweet phrase, Open the door.
Said Ah Quong to Oo Tong:
   Hed learn our language, this bringing us luck.
Quoth Hi Lung, Ah Mee and Chung:
   An obvious scholar, this Constable Chuck.

Without: soft feet in the darkened street.
   Within: Drugged figures adream on the floor
(Ah, delectable dreams, where paradise gleams):
   Then a bland voice murmuring, Open the door.
To Ah Quong, to Oo Tong,
   No warning that they should be doing a duck.
Open, spoke Ling.  Tis our countrymans tongue.
   And, lo, on the threshold stood - Constable chuck!

With his uniform on! . . . Peking!  Canton!
   Shantung!  Oh, where is your magic now?
Detestable trick by a low-down Dick!
   And isnt the Nordic a traitorous cow?
Ah Quong!  Oo Tong!
   Can you beat the Caucasian for chuckin the muck?
Ho, Chung!  Ho, Lung!
   Ah, Mee!  Oh, fie, Chuck!