Mrs. Doozenberry

HEAVENS! There’s the door-bell! Peep around the window-
shade.
Who is it, Arthur dear? Oh, not THAT!
Not Mrs DOOZENBERRY—old MOTHER DOOZENBERRY?
I KNOW she’s your director’s wife — the dull old cat!
But . . . Why — Mrs Doozenberry! DEAR Mrs Doozenberry,
Just this VERY moment we were gossiping of you.
I said, “It must be ages since we saw Mrs Doozenberry.
I do HOPE she isn’t ailing.” Sit in THIS chair, do.

Tea, Mrs Doozenberry? Just a cup of China tea.
Truly GRIEVED am I to hear of your poor health,
And I QUITE agree with all you say, Mrs Doozenberry:
If the body’s ailing what’s the USE of wordly wealth?
Others, Mrs Doozenberry — DEAR Mrs Doozenberry —
Helping others on their way . . . I QUITE see what you mean.
But you always WERE so thoughtful tho’ — so very, VERY
charitable.
(Why, she’s rolling in it, and she doesn’t spend a bean).

SHAWLS, Mrs Doozenberry? Missionary enterprise?
For women of Manchuria — AND mufflers for the neck?
DEAR Mrs Doozenberry! How they MUST depend on you.
Do have another cake while Arthur writes a cheque.
I’ve READ about Manchuria. Oh? Quite a NEW Society?
And they’ve made you President? But of COURSE they would,
DEAR Mrs Doozenberry. Who could be so CAPABLE?
So LIKE you, Mrs Doozenberry — always doing good.

Do you REALLY have to go, dear Mrs Doozenberry?
Thanks SO much for calling, and this most uplifting chat.
Goodbai. Come again. Goodbai, Mrs Doozenberry . . .
WHAT a woman! What a vampire! I am absolutely flat!
Oh, I KNOW she’s a director’s wife. But never tell me,
Arthur dear,
I do not help you earn a crust. I’ve earned a martyr’s
crown!
Half an hour of agony! That awful Mrs Doozenberry!
What’s the least you had to give her? That’s another guinea
down.