Strictly Business

Explaining recently, in a radio interview, exactly why he fought, a professional pugilist said very candidly that it was not with the in- tention of killing his opponent, but just “to please the crowd and get the dollars”. With this ideal his adversary heartily agreed.

“PLEASE the crowd an’ git
the dollars,”
As I sez to Butch one night,
“Kid the mugs an’ riches follers,
If a bloke knows how to fight.”
We was scrappin’ at the
Stayjum
For the gate, an’ frien’ships
sake,
Tryin’ ’ard for to enrage ’em
Till their brutal passions wake.

“SEZ YOU!” answers Buch
McGinty,
“Look at this ’arf-empty ’ouse!
If you knew the game from
shinty
We’d be in the dibs, you louse!”
“You!” I sez. “Your ’istrionic
Gifts ain’t wot I’d call a draw.”
“Nerts! Your act is somethin’
chronic!”
Sez ’e, swingin’ at me jaw.

“DO you impugn,” I arsk
’im coldly,
“My commercial acumen?”
“Bunk!” sez ’e, an’ over-boldly
Venchers in too close an’
then — 
Bing! Almost before we knew it,
Foot to foot an’ man to man,
We was sloggin’ fair into it,
An’ that’s ’ow the row began.

“BUSINESS ethics,” sez
McGinty,
Jabbin’ vicious with intent,
An’ a left that’s hard an’
flinty,
“Don’t permit of sentiment.”
“True. How true,” sez I, an’
cracks ’im
With a jolt that jarred ’im
good.
“Sich as allus been my maxim.”
“Right,” sez ’e. “That’s
understood.”

BACK an’ forth we barged
and battled
While the crowd was on its toes,
An’ our back teeth fairly rattled
To a rain of brutal blows.
“Integrity!” Butch gurgles,
graspin’
For the ropes. With one last
clout,
“An’ rectichood!” I answers,
gaspin’
Then we both was counted
out.

FROM that night our fame
was dated,
Since that night we ain’t
looked back,
Wealthy now an’ celebrated,
Butch an’ me can allus pack
Any ’ouse. It allus follers.
As my partner often says,
“Please the crowd and git
the dollars.
Business methods allus pays.”