The Demonstrator

While the congregation at a Sydney Church was being instructed in th methods of crooks and pickpockets, a thief in the vestry was going through the overcoats.  All he got was 9/-, a pistol permit and a pair of sand-shoes; so he broke a glass in the vestry and left.

'E was a theatrical bloke
   With 'is theories cut an' dried;
Close on up to a hour 'e spoke
   To the folks wot sat inside.
But I'm no theoriest talkin' rot,
   Gassin' away for fun.
Me, I was practical, on the spot,
   Showin' 'em 'ow 'twas done.

Ocular demonstration, see?
   Proves a case to the 'ilt.
Better than all this theory
   That theorists ever built.
Him in the auditorium
   Havin' a grand pow-wow,
While in the vestry, modest, mum,
   I was showin' 'em 'ow.

Call me a sneak-thief, call me a crok,
   Committin' a grave offense;
'Im with 'is theories out of a book!
   'Oo 'ad the common sense?
'Im to jaw to 'em, me to frisk
   Their coats - Which stood the test?
'Im with 'is theories?  Me with the risk?
   'Oo taught the lesson best?

I dunno whether they paid 'im much
   For doin' 'is spoutin' job.
All labor is worth 'is 'ire, as such;
   But I only got nine bob.
Nine neasly bob for doin' me bit
   An' showin' 'em 'ow 'twas done,
An' a pair of shoes wot didn't fit,
   An' a permit for a gun.

'E got the glory; I got gilt.
   Nine bob!  For a job like that -
Provin' 'is theories up to the 'ilt,
   Teachin' the lesson pat.
'Im with never a risk to run,
   Playin' a dead safe game.
I 'ad the labor; 'e 'ad the fun;
   Yet I gits a rotten anme.

There's some to talk an' soe to toil
   In a crool world an' unfair,
But when it comes to sharin' spoil
   Wot toiler gits is share?
The shabbiest crowd that ever I struck!
   Where's youman faith an' trust?
So I smashes the vestry glass for luck
   An' leaves 'em in disgust.

"Den" Herald , 14 April 1937, p6